She buzzed me tonight with her thoughts of missing her ex-boyfriend. I know she was, because out of nothing, she shared with me their photos. Looking at them, it brought me the same feeling, maybe, about me and Emil. I don't know if there's any of our photo left anywhere - I think I've deleted all of them.
It's the same melancholy feeling that sticks with me the past 2 years and maybe many more years ahead. But, I'm not giving up in getting better. All I know is that I'm capable.
They broke up due to the same thing me and Emil broke up. A test. If for me it came through that guy Mus. Then for her, it came through one of her friend. I'm not blaming the guy, there is no point on doing so. The same way I never blamed Emil. Love is at one point and in some ways, measurable.
If Emil loved me as much as she claimed (and how I still remember how many times I denied that fact to her, and how hurting to hear that she never accepted it) she would never lay a thought on taking another path different from mine. She would never thought of hurting me especially when she knows that it will hurt me badly. It's comprehend-able. It goes the same about my feeling for Alifa where I let her know completely how I feel - I couldn't forget Emil - the only reason why she left me.
If that guy love you as much as he claimed Nurul, he would never do such a thing. Not even accidentally. I had my own times, something similar, but I was strong enough to deny them. Literally, I loved Emil strong enough to man myself up in those times and denied them. Obviously, because I took into account so much about how I felt towards Emil and I didn't want to hurt her with those thing.
Of course, that was when I can think straight and sane. When things went wild, I did make bad decisions. Some were really crazy. Some were thoughtful. However, they are none to be regretted with. I'm sure there is a line I'm walking back then and I'm still walking on the same line now. The line of which God has written it down long ago before I breath into this world - I ought to believe that :-)
Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright now then it's surely not the end.
Just hang in there. Keep strong and keep walking. Flip new pages. Light up the life with new friends and new things.
Keep laughing to silly things and never stop smiling all the way :-)
My answer is simply yes. Yes it will. It will go away believe me.
G'nyte bloggy.
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