New Year Resolution

Ha ha

I actually never made one since 22 years ago. And I'm not gonna make one this year as well. Though I tell you it's not really a bad idea. I'm sure somewhere out there, there are people who made their New Year Resolutions last year and sticked to it through the year and successfully made it real. Right? I didn't do simply because when time flows, many things change as well. My priorities changed, my ambitions changed, even my character changed. Heck I know I won't stick to my resolution through out the year :-P

I know I'm more of a Now guy. I enjoy the moment. However I plan for the future, have it long distance future or near future, it's always the moment that I'm sticking to. So, lets say I make My New Year Resolution today, if you ask again tomorrow, it might be totally different.

However, being this positive, I'd like to set my primary focus for next year. One that came straight to my mind is Study. God willing, I want to keep my grades at A. I'm sure by now I can detach myself from the distractions that keep people away from reading the books - movies, anime, games, whatever people do nowadays. Nonetheless, I will definitely enjoy them during my free time.

The second is to have more relationships with people. In other words, I want to socialize more with people and not just the ones who ball :D Having people accompanying me around brings me the feeling of peace. Who want to be sad all day because of any reasons if his/her friends keep smiling and making jokes in order to cheer you up? And, these include my family. They are the center of my universe. Any of them collapses, I would sink along.

My finance is one other thing. I know I spent too much on silly things nowadays. Sometimes I did over-eating. Bought unnecessary stuff. Paid some unnecessary charges that can be avoided one way or another. Those stuff that I care the least nowadays. Those details. It's a bad thing and it needs fix.

My physical health. I'm not overweight yet, but I will be if I keep being care-less about my body. Balling won't help if I don't do some important exercises and reducing the fat consumptions, among other things.

My faith. I simply need to get back to the old me. There is no god but God and Muhammad is His messenger, and the perfect example for us human.

I guess summarizing all these would give you My New Year resolutions :-)

Realizing this is an easy job. The harder one is to manage them. I've always be flexible with these but I never gave up. My job is to keep it that way this year.

If it's about love, I'm used to use self-discipline to try to deny those feelings towards the girls I met. Experiences are indeed the best teachers and the most valuable. Just when I thought I want to let the time fly by me and do nothing, this bright girl came along. I am scared, no doubt, but I love being in the moment more. Thanks pancake.

Happy New Year! May your 2010 (read : 'twenty-ten') be filled with the discovery of new truths, an expansion of your love, and a strengthening of your power.

Being real

Who the hell would wake up in the middle of the night and straight away check out the phone for texts or missed calls?

Oh god, I'm in a real trouble.

The thing is...

*sigh*

Honesty

It was just in a period of a couple of months but I've learned lot from my relationship with this one special friend of mine, Emil. The most appreciated one is honesty. Honesty is what is needed to build up the trust in each other, however ugly the real thing is and that was what brought us together. On the contrary, honesty also led my relationship with Alifa to its end.

Honesty is about speaking the truth and we speak the truth to the only ones we trust. To some, we keep.

Now, turn that around and lets see.

It is hard to believe that a friend is telling the truth when we know that we would lie if we were at his/her place, is it not? Like, there is a saying, "a half truth is a whole lie" - It's not necessarily correct, but it has some points.

We won't be forcing people to be honest with us and sometimes we won't even ask. But to me, it's simply best to be honest with than to be told nothing or just half a thing.

Have the courage to say No.
Have the courage to accept No.
Apply that to everything.

Do the right thing because it's right. Be honest with your friends.

Rude parrot

This is dedicated to my friend Nurul, in the efforts of cheering you up :-) I know you'll be reading, so here it comes.

Nurul received a parrot for her 22nd birthday.

The parrot was fully-grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive. Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least very very rude.

Nurul tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything she could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked.

She yelled at the bird and the bird yelled back. She shook the bird and the bird just got angrier and became even more rude. Finally in a moment of desperation, Nurul put the parrot in the freezer.

For a few moments she heard the bird squawk and kick and scream. Then suddenly, there was a ---- Not a sound for half a minute. Nurul was frightened that she might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

The Parrot calmly stepped out onto Nurul's extended arm and said: "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I will endeavor at once to correct my behavior. I really am truly sorry and beg your forgiveness."

Nurul was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made the difference and caused such a dramatic change, when the parrot slowly continued:

"May I ask what the chicken did???"

P/S : No, you're not getting a parrot from me. I'm not risking a life to be thrown into a freezer!

Home sweet home

Oh yeah, there'll be more posts with this title I'll make sure of that. One thing of being a student nowadays is sooner or later, you'll be away from home. Specifically, you'll be away from your mom, pop, sis, bros and neighbours, for some special case, hee.

It wasn't until 2 years ago I began to get attached to those I named. Frankly, when I was in SESMA, I couldn't care less about them. Being young, care-free and it was all about friends, contacting them only meant I had trouble at that time. Otherwise, maybe no contact at all for few months until I went home for school breaks. It was after my SPM, where I figured our family relationship was kinda not good and since my 3 months afterwards revolved only around them, I was getting attached more and more to them, and us getting attached among us. No more fighting among the biggies, more jokes, more everything, and I could swear how I can see how we changed from not talking at all to somewhat a more lively home - a home that you wanna go back to for any break! :-)

Hee.

My mom is a person who nag nag nag (Don't get me wrong, so far I have liked 2 person and these 2 person did nothing but nag nag nag). She has many jobs, many responsibilities and so little time for herself. She's the center of our family and most if not all family matters revolves around her, not my dad. My dad is a quiet kinda guy among us, but not in public. He has reasons for that. One is because we, my brothers and sisters didn't really make efforts to communicate with him. I do, but I can't change others, especially my older sis. I wish and I'm still wishing they would drop their egos one day and talk eye to eye like before.

My sis is kind, caring, respectful, very independent and what more do you want in a sister? Same goes to my bro, Yie. Me is somehow different. We don't speak much nowadays simply because we're away most of the time but we had no trouble at all at it. He is a person who can take care of himself well and well-liked by his friends, I can tell you that. Niessa is the smallest immature girl in my family. Serah or his weird real name SerifithPutra is the brightest among us all. He is the first to do everything. Name one thing you could have achieved when you're around 14 or 15, he probably done that. He's another center of our family, except in his case, the center where we drop our stress at, you know what I mean.

and yes, I love them all and not only when they give me cookies :-)

Cherish your family, folks.

Bad

Damn.

It felt so bad but if it's not done, I probably heading for trouble. Not for anyone but myself.

The problem of getting attached to people easily is when they leave, you feel like losing something and missing them badly. It hurts.

I don't hate getting attached to people easily but not this way. Urrrghhhh.

I just wanna go have a walk somewhere and come back fresh after 3 weeks.

Please.

I was so stupid

When I think back, I have prepared well. On my first glance at the questions, I was quite clear that I could  answer them all, honestly!

Shit.

I shouldn't have taken that for granted.

Folks, next time, bring your calculator into exams. No matter insignificant it is, if bringing calculator is allowable, just bring it!

And don't do decimal points division manually, or you're just screwed.

If I didn't get an A for this, I will retake this again, for God's sake.

Arghhhhhh!!!!!

P/S : Went to Alamanda, watched ZombieLand and all the bad feelings started to drift away. It wasn't that bad, but not the best -and that is quite bad. Shit.

Half productive day

Okay, maybe not even that close to half.

I woke up at around 11am today, that is so freaking late. I slept at around 3am last night. Strangely, maybe because I have a meeting with my Academic Advisor this morning, I seem to be able to sleep unlike the days before. The second I woke up, I just rushed to shower and thought of things that I was going to do today.

My Academic Advisor seems to be a helpful person after all, or at least he sounded like one today. There weren't much to talk about, since basically I'm not having any significant problem this trimester. He asked me about curriculum activities, social activities and of course my study. I let him know what's currently happening, eWeek, the gang, the hostel, the clubs meeting and finally my course marks so far. I didn't know I was being assessed at first until he mentioned it, heee :-D I hope I'm doing good. He said this would be used as reference if I need his concern when I'm writing up my CV later. For now, it's no biggie :-)

There are not much new things to read, I've basically covered most of the subjects except in some chapters where it just needs reading. Surprisingly, when I tried to the last year's paper, I was stuck at this one particular question. Going around looking for help, I found out that none of us could do it, wow. So we ended up at Mr. Fikry office asking that question, among other two. We finished around 1 hour later where everything made sense then :-D

The whether was good today, it wasn't raining like few days before. I wanted to go ball but changed my mind after a while. However after a while, I found myself dead sleeping from 6pm - 9pm, another 3 hours wasted, and my prayers, God knows.

Now, tell me if that is even close to half of a productive day?

Good morning

It's just weird that when I woke up today, there were already things filling up my thoughts. Seconds later, I felt bad and started cursing - a habit that needs fixing.

Another seconds later, I was in a long shower with eyes closed but deep in thought.

Going through life, one thing I learned is acceptance.

What it means? What about it?

Acceptance means, to me, that I accept something entirely and get over it. It's important to me to have this feeling on important things so I can work out what needs to be done.

However, to feel it, I need to know. And there is no way to know except by being honest.

There are things right now keep being inside my mind. Sometimes it was good and productive but most of the time it wasn't. Maybe because I wished it was true and I was too excited over it so I made my own reality. I didn't see through it and it took me the wrong way.

When it first came to my conscious, I didn't want to take any step away. It felt good. I wanted to simply wait for things to happen. Later, it hit me that it was a mistake - the familiar one.

I need help, anyone?

G'nyte Bloggy!

New year and what it brings

Welcome the year of 1431! my wish today is to become a better person and to contribute more to other people.

It's one hell of weird week I'm going through right now. It's not just the exam that's coming - some other things too. I think I'm falling in love. Hell shit, Lets hope its a joke.

My biological clock doesn't want to follow my order, keeping me awake all night long, staring on the ceiling, fell asleep at 7am if not 8, and waking up at 12am. It seems like I'm on a break but no its fucking not. There, another f word, which I wanted to use less this coming year, sigh.

I should be flipping my notes and answering some exercise questions right now, so I'm not gonna write long.

Basketball counter back to 0 this week. Fun counter is almost at 0.

There is no fun. No movies, no going out, not much hanging out this week. Boringggggg!

But that's how its supposed to be during study week, kan?

And,

I don't feel good with what's going on, I really need to do something I don't want to and stop the craps! :-S

God bless you people, Happy New Year! May it bring brighter days ahead!

G'nyte Bloggy!

I just couldn't take it if it were me..

News Link

May God bless them all and may God give strength to all their families.

God, please please please!

Please give chances to say good bye to any of my families before you take them away from me.

Please.

Ummi, Ayoh, Serah, Kaklong, Yie, Me, Nisa - God, do give us many more years together.

Troubled

This post is dedicated to my friend Nurul who just lost her younger brother in a tragic car accident :-

I just knew you so I think I'll let those close to you to soothe you out of this. I don't wanna mess your mind with incoming calls and texts at this moment.

I never lost a brother so I can't say I know how you feel. But I know its bad and it'll be really hard.

Drive home carefully and don't take this too hard on you. I worry about you, okay.

God bless your brother, you and your family.

I'm available for any helps. Just ask, okay?

Windows 7

This is a tutorial on how to install Windows 7 clean using a 2GB thumbdrive.

Link

This is the link to modified Windows 7 installer for netbooks. Note that you gotta find your own Windows Activator to activate the Windows 7. By default, it is a 30 days trial.

Link (www.warez-bb.org - you need to reg at the forum)

This is a tutorial on how to add more RAM to my netbook variants.

Link

This is the compatible RAM for my netbook.

Link

This is a tutorial on how to modify my netbook variants into touchscreen.

Link

And lastly, speeding up Windows 7 on the little box :-) and it works to other comp as well.

Link

Link


I'll update on how my netbook copes with the new OS. For now, it seems faster but uses more resources instead. How about you giving it a try and let me know how well it is?

Deadly Assignment

You guess what?

A lecturer just posted an update to an assignment question (which btw he claimed it's sorta unimportant and refused to give out any extension of the deadline) which just solved a huge question mark that has been in my head since we got the questions 2 weeks back!

How cruel is that?

Unlike Kahu and Taseen, I know I'm a slow learner. To see how the circuit works, I know I need to spend lotta of time to analyze it. I've been doing that and because I stuck at this one point where it just doesn't make sense, I was demotivated and went to waste my time with useless craps. Yes, that includes the current excessive balling activities.

I just found out in the update that the point where I stuck at was actually a bloody typo error!

grrrrrrrrrrr!

Mr. Vishnu, I don't blame you at all. I blame myself for not being able to see beyond it and realize the errors, just like the one in a tutorial question before.

But, please, one more day?

No G'nyte today Bloggy! Its too late to go to bed now. Breakfast with Nurul at around 8am and I could do some writing up. Later!

Sunday laziness

Nureen, my friend's niece

Tutumbak! :-D

Just cute, heeee

(but can someone teach her not to call me 'abah' please)

I just like being around kids (sounds fatherly huh? I don't care!) But hell I don't actually good at dealing with them. Some people are naturally kid lovers and I do envy them a lot! - in a good way :-)

Why am I not in a relationship at this moment

Why am I not in a relationship at this moment you ask?

My answer is ;

Because it's hard to find someone who could love me as much as Emil and Alifa did.

The past has made me drawn a line of expectations. I met some people, none of them 'click' to me, what more getting attached.

It is hard to fall. It is hard to get that feeling comes. Since them, it never once came back to me.

That's what I meant. That's the reason.

So, if you can, don't bother me with it too much, we're still friends and I might change my mind. Sooner or later, I'm not promising.

Alright? :-)

No, it's not about Emil. Emil is a past. My brain knows it and my heart acknowledges it. If I'm talking about Emil, it might be just a statement or a reference - because I don't know many people much that I can make references to. I would remember every bits but I'm moving on past them and I truly am.

G'nyte you, G'nyte Bloggy!

Melancholy feeling, will it ever go away?

She buzzed me tonight with her thoughts of missing her ex-boyfriend. I know she was, because out of nothing, she shared with me their photos. Looking at them, it brought me the same feeling, maybe, about me and Emil. I don't know if there's any of our photo left anywhere - I think I've deleted all of them.

It's the same melancholy feeling that sticks with me the past 2 years and maybe many more years ahead. But, I'm not giving up in getting better. All I know is that I'm capable.

They broke up due to the same thing me and Emil broke up. A test. If for me it came through that guy Mus. Then for her, it came through one of her friend. I'm not blaming the guy, there is no point on doing so. The same way I never blamed Emil. Love is at one point and in some ways, measurable.

If Emil loved me as much as she claimed (and how I still remember how many times I denied that fact to her, and how hurting to hear that she never accepted it) she would never lay a thought on taking another path different from mine. She would never thought of hurting me especially when she knows that it will hurt me badly. It's comprehend-able. It goes the same about my feeling for Alifa where I let her know completely how I feel - I couldn't forget Emil - the only reason why she left me.

If that guy love you as much as he claimed Nurul, he would never do such a thing. Not even accidentally. I had my own times, something similar, but I was strong enough to deny them. Literally, I loved Emil strong enough to man myself up in those times and denied them. Obviously, because I took into account so much about how I felt towards Emil and I didn't want to hurt her with those thing.

Of course, that was when I can think straight and sane. When things went wild, I did make bad decisions. Some were really crazy. Some were thoughtful. However, they are none to be regretted with. I'm sure there is a line I'm walking back then and I'm still walking on the same line now. The line of which God has written it down long ago before I breath into this world - I ought to believe that :-)

Everything will be alright in the end. If it's not alright now then it's surely not the end.

Just hang in there. Keep strong and keep walking. Flip new pages. Light up the life with new friends and new things.

Keep laughing to silly things and never stop smiling all the way :-)

My answer is simply yes. Yes it will. It will go away believe me.

G'nyte bloggy.

Lets get it really started

I meant the title for my study. The past week has been really exhausting. I didn't spend much time on my notes. They were there on my desk, but I haven't got the chances to flip them open. It was hard to be the only one who can do the job! The thing is, it was actually pretty simple but I knew those guys were too lazy to learn. They wanted it the easy way - just let me do all the works. Luckily, I enjoy doing all the works especially ones involve creativity, just because I think I lack of it.

Wow.

I didn't actually realize my last post was on the 2nd day I'm here in MMU. It has been 6 weeks. I really enjoyed myself here so far. I never doubt that within one year, I can put the past 3 years far behind me.

Everything is different here. Friends are close. Close friends are very close. Talking about friends, I think I had a crush on this one girl though I keep denying myself of that. I had no idea why, maybe because of her honesty with me or because of how outspoken she is, I made friend with her in no time. She isn't pretty, well honestly, but her way of dealing with me makes me smile if not laugh. Obviously, I'm not taking this any further. She has a boyfriend, and she is quite "flirty" too - something I can actually bear, but after living my life these past few years, I won't take that way ever again. Okay, I might have just invented that word "flirty" :-D

Basketball. It's just not me if I don't talk about basketball. To date, there is not much basketball here in MMU. The in-campus court is very slippery, and practically no one plays there. The one that I go regularly is the Cyberia courtnwhere most people there are Chinese - though I have no problem at all with them (just recalling the girl I had crush on doesn't like Chinese people. Reason? They smell bad. Week reason, heh!) These past few weeks, a friend who is now in his semester break came here and brought me around for pickup games around Bangi, Bangsar, and Cyberjaya. I made some new friends in this line of activities and it was all good time.

Study is good. Never better. I think I'm quite ahead of some of my classmates. Not to say that I'm better than them - that would be so arrogant and wouldn't define me at all. However, all the lecturers here made them looks so easy. I mean it, it's so easy. Oh yeah, I'm comparing it with the way I studied there in Imperial. Not that I can't cope with it back then but it was relatively tougher. MMU students should be grateful.

Speaking about grateful, I am forever grateful to God for giving me this useful brain and mind. I realize that I'm actually quite gifted and I thank ALL HEART for the gift, my Lord :-)

I wanted to teach my classmates but there weren't that much chances yet. Some of them even don't take the study seriously at all yet complaining about how hard it is. How I want them to know that I'm not a "brainer", I am in fact, pretty much a slow learner. But I took important things as important things and I put as much efforts as I can on stuff I think I'm weak with. It's logical.

Practice makes you closer to perfection. Taseen and Yusuf are two good examples. I do actually respect them.

I like to put on the guys photos here but it's quite late now. The Nescaffee that I took just now didn't work - as expected.

BTW, I'm holding all the small business projects for some time due to the lack of funds. My money can only cover so much of my expenses here, until I get the scholarship or loan confirmation from YT, which I hope very soon.

I want to keep writing every week! That is a deal!

Penning off, good night Bloggy.