Hai back

Hey Nurul, I don't mind you reading those, it was written for you to read anyway. I thought you didn't care enough to open it though.

Don't worry, I have almost no privacy towards the one I love. Emil, Alifa, I'm treating you the same as I treated them. But there is one big different in them and you, something I didn't quite realize before.

You know what, since you went to PD, you made me feel like a loser almost everyday. Am I being too sensitive to feel like that? or you just don't care about making me feel so - while you are just being you?

The truth is, I have always been sensitive. I think I care for people more than a 'normal' guy should. I am easily emotionally affected more than a 'normal' guy should, which in effect affecting almost everything I do. I am easily impressed by what I did and especially by what people did. Also, and the most important, I took what people said deeply as well as the way they treat me. To that, I wanna say I do appreciate you driving over to spend time with me, dinner, lunch, everything you did before. I really do appreciate those.

Now, I'm talking about now.

Nurul, I think you don't care about me anymore. I think you just had a crush on me earlier and it was temporary thing. The future you mentioned, it was real at one time but now I think you slowly not feeling it anymore. I'm just saying. Because you don't want to tell me the truth, my mind brought me into those conclusions. That's also after seeing how you were treating me. You loved Acap. You made me think you didn't and I was the one you love. I believed in that. I believe in you. But, I'm sure it's not like that. Not now. Don't get me wrong. It wasn't wrong to be that way. I understand it perfectly, you're just being you. That is fine.

Before, you couldn't wait to have a webcam call with me. I felt the same way and I am still feeling the same way. The problem is, you didn't. I held myself not to call you. The urge is killing me every night.

Before, you would always wanna text me. These days, I sent you many texts and yet you didn't give me any reply. Yes it hurts and holding it up is killing me like hell.

You know, I don't wanna say these thing, I don't even wanna believe in this thing. I love you. I wanna have faith in you. I really do.

But things don't seems so. You don't seems so. I got to hold my feeling to accept the possibilities.

I started to fall for you when you cared about me and wanna spend time on me. The feeling of you needing me, that's all I need to fall for you.

These days, I starting to feel you don't really care about me and you don't actually wanna spend time with me, whether its lunch, webcam, dinner, or just hanging out walking, whatever. It is not there anymore. It is not in your face.

Now tell me if you want me to stop having the feelings. It's gonna hurt me for sure, but it's that what you feel, it is what I would do. Please, if that is what you feel, you go to tell me that.

Don't leave me wondering, it will affect me so bad. I need to know, I need the acceptance to move on.